Once upon a time I planned everything out. I had meals planned, naps scheduled, activities in line.
I had time to myself. Every day.
These days, my life seems to sputter along like a dying engine. At around 1 o’clock this afternoon I was in a bathrobe with my damp hair wrapped in a towel and a crying baby on my hip. I missed an important phone call, snapped at my mother who was so kindly doing my dishes, and told the other two whining kids that they had to wait.
An hour later, when I was finally dressed (we were at the pool this morning! At least I did that!), I got Jonathan and Grace down for their naps, and James started on some mysterious undirected art project.
|He’ll be famous someday from all of the rigorous art theory I teach him.|
This lasted all of about 20 minutes, enough time for me to attend to a phone call and a whimpering baby.
|Sorry about the photo quality — that’s the real shot in the dark room, trying to get her to go to sleep!|
Could I just get a minute without someone needing me??? Oy.
I could go on, but I won’t. You get the picture, and many of you live it out yourselves. This is just normal stuff, really nothing all that noteworthy. Some days I handle it well and some days I don’t. Being a mom is hard.
Some days you have to turn on Disney Jr. free of guilt and just ignore the housework. And write without any particular goal in mind other than making sense of the whirling (I guess that was the intent of this blog in the first place).
Certain people say, “Enjoy them while they’re young!” And I do, certainly. But I’m a firm believer that I don’t have to enjoy waking up three times a night. I can enjoy being a mother without enjoying all the hard stuff, right? Otherwise I’d just be lying.
I’ve heard it said before, and I’ll repeat it just for myself—your kids don’t need perfection, they just need a mom. They need you, they need me, mistakes, bad attitudes and ugliness and all. So I’ll do what I have to do, find peace when I can, and grasp—no, strain—for gratitude in these fleeting moments, even when I’m thoroughly not enjoying them.
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